


A Beautiful Illusion

by noblydonedonnanoble



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 17:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblydonedonnanoble/pseuds/noblydonedonnanoble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the fic part of a fic mix; the mix part can be found <a href="http://kurtvonneguts.co.vu/post/41343234047/a-beautiful-illusion-a-tatennant-fic-mix-fic">here</a>.</p><p>Each drabble should be considered a separate entity from all the others; similarities and consistency in plot are most likely plot points that are firmly established in <em>my own</em> Tatennant headcanon.</p>
    </blockquote>





	A Beautiful Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fic part of a fic mix; the mix part can be found [here](http://kurtvonneguts.co.vu/post/41343234047/a-beautiful-illusion-a-tatennant-fic-mix-fic).
> 
> Each drabble should be considered a separate entity from all the others; similarities and consistency in plot are most likely plot points that are firmly established in _my own_ Tatennant headcanon.

**[01]** – “ **If I Didn’t Know Any Better** ” by Alison Krauss and Union Station

_Didn’t want to_

_Look in the eyes of the one that I would be drawn to_

_I’m a moth lost in a fire_

_And I know this is just a beautiful illusion, a case of the confusion between love and desire_

She told you, once, about the moment when she fell. She informed you that the realization didn’t come to her until much later, just how significant the moment was. But the way she tells it, it was the first time you burst into her trailer, acting as though you owned the place. You like to think that it has something to do with you “asserting your manliness”, but both of you know that’s not it. It’s just that then, more than ever before, you showed that with her, you were completely and entirely at ease.

Not that you’d ever admit it, but by then you were already lost.

Lost in her smile, her glances.

It was quite some time, though, before you were willing to admit that what you felt for her was love.

\---

 **[02]** – “ **This Unavoidable Thing Between Us** ” by Evermore

_When we walk away, we only grow more near_

_When we turn away, it all becomes so clear_

I’ve already written a fic based on this song, which you can read [here](504489).

\---

 **[03]** – “ **Back To You** ” by John Mayer

_Doesn’t it scare you_

_Your will is not as strong_

_As it used to be_

 

“What happened to ‘a one-time thing’?”

“Who ever said that?”

“You did. ‘S a direct quote, actually. ‘I just want this to be a one-time thing.’ Remember?”

“David—“

“Do you deny it?”

“No. Just… Can we not discuss—“

“Then when?”

“…”

“…”

“What do you want from me, David?”

“Why do you keep coming here?”

“…”

“I’m waiting.”

“I’m weak.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s enough.”

\---

 **[04]** – “ **As Long As You’re Mine** ” by Idina Menzel and Norbert Leo Butz

_Maybe I’m brainless_

_Maybe I’m wise_

_But you’ve got me seeing_

_Through different eyes_

 

If she were a drug, at this point he would be completely dependent. He can’t go even a few hours without her. He’s developed a sense of tolerance so that now, her simple presence isn’t enough; her hand in his is no longer enough, not really. Not ever.

He’s addicted to the entirely new world she shows to him. He’s addicted to a brilliant new perspective that was totally foreign to him before her.

And he’s about to go cold turkey.

In the meantime, though… He intends to take full advantage.

He’s not quite sure what he’ll do once he loses her.

\---

 **[05]** – “ **Autumn Leaves** ” by Ed Sheeran

_Another tear_

_Another cry_

_Another place for us to die_

_It’s not complicated_

_Another life that’s gone to waste_

_Another light lost from your face_

_It’s complicated_

 

“I love you.”

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he regrets them—not because they’re a lie, but because of the way Catherine looks at him.

She looks at him like she wants to kiss him or she wants to cry. Like her heart has broken in two. Like she’s never been happier. Like she wants to run to the door and flee.

It’s the first of many mixed signals that David receives.

\---

 **[06]** – “ **Sad** ” by Maroon 5

_Man, it’s been a long night_

_Just sitting here, trying not to look back_

_Still looking at the road we never drove on_

_And wondering if the one I chose was the right one_

 

I’ve already written a fic based on this song, which you can read [here](497926).

\---

 **[07]** – “ **The Saltwater Room** ” by Owl City

_Time together isn’t ever quite enough_

_When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home_

_What will it take to make or break this hint of love?_

_Only time, only time._

 

Sometimes when we’re sitting alone together in my dressing room, he looks at me with questioning eyes. He looks like he’s considering his options, as if he’s about to make some life-altering decision and wants to make sure that he chooses properly.

On such occasions, my mind also tends to wander, and I wonder if we’re thinking of the same things, imagining the same set of circumstances.

I wish I could ask him. If it weren’t for Georgia, I _would_ ask him.

Well, if it weren’t for Georgia our situation might be quite different and there might be no question.

Instead, I pretend that I don’t notice when he gets that far-away look in his eyes.

\---

 **[08]** – “ **Walking Behind** ” by The Moffatts

_They’ve got a love to give_

_But they’re afraid to let it in_

 

“How did your date go tonight?” _I bet you fell in love and you’re already planning on getting married, aren’t you?_

“It was alright.” _I would have been happier with you._

“Think you’ll see her again?” _Say no_.

“Maybe.” _If you never bother to look my way, at least._

“That’s not very enthusiastic.” _Thank the Lord._

“It’s a maybe. There’s nothing bad about a maybe, is there?” _I’d stop having to go out with random women if you’d just wake up and realize I’m mad about you._

“Suppose not.” _There, I knew he liked her. Now I certainly stand no chance._

“Right then.”

“Right.”

\---

 **[09]** – “ **Red** ” by Taylor Swift

_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes_

_Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go_

_But moving on from him is impossible_

_When I still see it all in my head_

 

It used to be easy to forget him. If not forget, then at least to ignore. I pushed him to the back of my mind with no trouble whatsoever.

Now, thoughts of him plague me wherever I go.

I regret letting him in. I regret accepting him into my life so completely. “Everything ends with _Much Ado_.” That was the agreement. My proposal, in fact.

A proposal for which I detest myself more and more every day.

He haunts my dreams, my waking hours, leaving me not one moment of peace.

If only I were strong enough to believe that this end is really _the end_.

\---

 **[10]** – “ **North By North** ” by Faded Paper Figures

_You said a long long time ago_

_You were happy being someone_

_Let’s go far far far from home_

_I’ll be glad to be with someone_

When it comes right down to it, it’s simply because she cares. She’s always there for me, willing to drop essentially anything if I’m in any sort of trouble. She worries about me more than I truly deserve, a fact that makes me increasingly grateful for her presence in my life.

I dread the day when she realizes that she can do better than me. No matter how much I may tell her so, she never seems to believe it.

But Catherine… she’s got a fairly steep learning curve.

I like having someone there for me… But the question is not _if_ she’s going to leave—it’s when.

\---

 **[11]** – “ **Does He Love You?** ” by Rilo Kiley

_Let’s not forget ourselves, good friend_

_I am flawed if I’m not free_

_Your husband will never leave you_

_He will never leave you for me_

 

You don’t know exactly when it hits you. Regardless of when, there comes a moment when you realize that everything was futile. You realize that regardless of how much he loves you, he’ll simply never love you _quite enough_.

So when you get the offer from _The Office_ , you agree. You pack your bags and prepare to go to America, simultaneously eager and terrified of the change it will bring.

You tell David over the phone, because you don’t want to look him in the eye. While there’s disappointment in his voice, you feel almost entirely certain that his eyes reveal a deep sense of relief.

\---

 **[12]** – “ **A Song For You** ” by The Carpenters

_I know your image of me is what I hope to be_

_I’ve treated you unkindly but darling can’t you see_

_There’s no one more important to me_

_Darling can’t you please see through me_

 

“You want to know a saying that I hate?”

“Tell me.” David enjoys my random outbursts; sometimes I think that he’s a bit more amused by them than he should be. Regardless, his interest is immensely satisfying when compared to all the people I know who tune me out as soon as I get started.

“’You mean the world to me.’ What if ‘the world’ doesn’t matter all that much to me? Comparing something supposedly so important to something insignificant like ‘the world’ seems a little bit disrespectful, I think.”

He laughs at me, but I appreciate it since I know he means nothing by it. “To what would you rather compare those important things?”

“I wouldn’t,” I say defiantly. “They just are. When someone’s reached that maximum level of significance, they are above comparisons.”

“Oh?”

I nod.

“And who receives such an honor of non-comparison?” Instead of replying, I grab his hand and squeeze it gently. With a grin, he pulls me close. “The feeling’s mutual.”

\---

 **[13]** – “ **Time After Time** ” by John Barrowman

_Caught up in circles_

_Confusion is nothing new_

_Flashback, warm nights_

_Almost left behind_

_Suitcase of memories_

 

The first onslaught of homesickness strikes a few days after Catherine’s arrival in LA. If she’d allowed herself time to truly process, she would have called Erin, or her mother, or perhaps Adrian.

As it was, she simply dialed, and after five rings—just as she was about to hang up—she heard a groggy, “’Ello?”

“David.” The word comes out as a whisper, and she quickly adjusts the volume of her voice. “Hi David. I’m—I’m sorry if you were sleeping. I just… I miss you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he says with a grunt. She hears him close a door, and when he speaks again his voice is more audible. “I enjoy being woken at 3 in the morning.”

“I’ll make a habit of it, then?”

He laughs, and Catherine laughs. “I’d really rather you not.”

“Shame…”

On the other side of the line, David yawns. “Anything in particular you were calling about, Catherine?”

“Not really,” she replies, not bothering to point out that she already told him that she just misses him. “I guess I was just thinking about you. Remembering. I don’t know.” She feels as if she’s somehow revealed something too much.

“Remembering what?”

After a pause, she smiles and says, “I shan’t go into detail, because I doubt you want to have 3AM phone sex…”

“Well hang on, let’s weigh the pros and cons of this scenario…”

“David, go to bed.”

“Oi, you called me!”

“That I did. And I’m telling you to go to bed.”

He grumbles under his breath, but wishes her a goodbye.

No one else can engage her in such a delightful one-minute conversation.


End file.
